Working to relax?

Last week, it occurred to me that during the past three years, I have yet take a vacation without taking work with me. I've never given much thought to that fact and doubt that I would be thinking about it now were it not for a comment that my brother made. He said something like, "You don't even take summers off." I laughed and shrugged it off, after all, graduate study requires a year-round commitment. The workload is just something I do. Nevertheless, it was not lost on me that his pronouncement carried with it the insinuation that, in his opinion, I should, at the very least, be taking summers off.

The more I think about his response to my workload, the more I am convinced that most people just assume that those who are in grad programs get to take summers off. By "most people" I should clarify that I mean those well-intentioned civilians who haven't the slightest idea about the rigors of graduate study. At any rate, I lamented my plight for about three seconds before acknowledging that despite how luxurious not working over the summer sounds, I know myself well enough to admit that unless I had someplace exotic to go and new things to learn about, I would probably become terribly bored.

That said, I decided to make a concerted effort to find more time to relax. My daughter needed a book for school. Bookstores (any bookstore) are widely regarded by those of the literary bent to be a premier destination. What could serve as a better break? With kid in tow, I headed to the bookstore, certain that it would be a relaxing way to spend an afternoon. It is, after all, a bookstore.

The bookstore in question sells used books and allows patrons to trade out books they've read for either cash or store credit. My daughter brought a sizable pile of books to trade out. I brought three... which is enormous for me... I have an aversion to parting with books, but that is a blog for another day. All told, We spent the better part of the afternoon rummaging through the store's enormous variety of books. My daughter found several books, including the one that she needs for school. I managed to pick up a few novels, some books on Modern Irish Drama, Twentieth-Century Russian plays, Drama Theory, and a very nice Bedford Introduction to Drama -- which, no doubt, will prove helpful when I take the Drama comprehensive exam next year.

Being at the bookstore was, in itself, fairly relaxing despite having to lug a bin full of books all around the store. The cash we earned back from the books we traded covered the costs of some of our new purchases. However, when we got back home I unloaded my new collection and began reading. The reading was more or less relaxing, but because I was reading drama, I was also taking copious notes. I read the introduction to the Bedford collection and a play I haven't read before. Of course, that lead to taking more notes. Afterward, I decided to type up an informal response to what I had read and add that to a notebook I've created to help prepare for the Drama comp. exam.

Upon reflection, I am not sure if I could call my attempt to relax successful. The trip to the bookstore resulted in me working again. Could it be that I can't relax unless I am working?  

Abstracted

Writing an abstract can be a daunting task, particularly for academic writing. The article I have been working on is getting "closer" to sucking less, so I figured what the hey -- I should start checking out some CFP's and see if I might find a few query ideas -- you know, for when I'm "closer" to being satisfied with the draft. It never dawned on me that I might actually find a CFP that announced an upcoming special issue of a journal that would suit the project I have been working on perfectly. Of course, by the time I found this CFP, abstracts were due in a matter of days. Yay. Can you read the enthusiasm? What should have been a positive experience felt more like getting dental surgery sans the numbing goodness of Novocaine. That's not because I had to write an abstract, my first for real-world submission, or that I had to send it off quickly, but because I had to get all of that accomplished in the midst of travelling.

Trying to write an abstract for submission is challenging enough without the added stress doing so under the distraction of being on holiday. Did I mention I had to tap it out on a netbook while breakfasting in the very near vicinity of my parents arguing for the zillionth time over God knows what?

Needless to say, I am not operating under any illusion that this abstract will get accepted. It might not even get read. Despite the likelihood that this submission will wind up at the very bottom of the slush pile, I am still glad to have experienced writing it and writing it under a certain amount of duress. I suppose I can look at it as good practice for the eventuality of finding myself writing, once more, under less-than-ideal circumstances.

There... and back again

I'm in the process of writing an article that I *hope* will one day find publication. The subject matter is academic and derived from portions of my master's thesis on selected plays by Samuel Beckett. But, therein lies the rub. It's damn difficult to figure out how much of the thesis introduction to use, especially since I am pulling the article out of a section that is nestled in the middle of the thesis. I started working on this last summer, shortly after my defense. However, after spending nearly a year writing the thesis, by the time I was ready to begin pulling an article out of it I had gotten so close to the work that I felt like I could no longer "see" it clearly. After struggling with the material for a few weeks, I decided it would be better to take a step back from it, and let my brain decompress from the pressures associated with writing the thesis.

Ultimately, I took this hiatus a bit further and (deliberately) weaned myself off of the rather maniacal all-things-Beckett diet I had restricted myself to during the semesters in which I wrote the thesis. I even had the good fortune of participating in an independent study course in modern/contemporary drama throughout which, as my professor suggested, I could take a break from reading so much Beckett. I planned on returning to my article writing endeavors just as soon as the academic year let out.

Of course, when I made that plan (it was a good plan), I did not know that my landlord would decide to sell the house I'd rented for three years, thrusting me into a summer-long house hunting/packing/moving/unpacking frenzy. During the crazy month leading up to the move, I was able to get some creative writing done, but academic writing was pretty much out of the question. My ability to concentrate on anything as complex as research based writing was non-existent. Once the move was complete, I still had to organize my office space. Now that I have gotten that out of the way, I feel like I can finally breath enough to get back to work.

Today, I dusted the cobwebs away from the initial draft of my article and managed to etch out a the beginnings of a beginning (I think). I also jettisoned five pages, bringing the remainder to a more manageable and sane length of twenty-five pages. I still have a great deal of editing to do before I'll let anyone read this hot mess. Honestly, though, the best remedy for this paper would be to have another set of eyes on it. At some point, I will need to beg one of my professors to take a look at it to provide feedback and suggestions.

After working on the article for a few hours, I pulled up Ye Ole Library Database (because I hate the new one) and started along the journey of researching journals and publications I might query once this article is finished. I found a few drama/theater journals that might be good prospects. Of course, it will be some time before I send off any queries, and before I do I'll need to seek the advice of my professors.

I wouldn't call this a highly productive writing day, but I am glad to have taken my old project back up. I've missed writing and thinking about Beckett. While I'm still in what I've come to describe as "introduction HELL" I am kind of at peace with that. Taking a break from the article has renewed my enthusiasm. I feel like I have a better vantage point from which to view my work because I stepped away from it for a while.

And the irony that this behavior is not altogether unlike one of Beckett's characters has not eluded me. I am well aware of the circularities I am continuing to navigate. If I did not think that a propensity for tracing back over one's steps is part of the scholarly process, then I might be worried. The process of doing this kind of writing might best be described by a line from Beckett's Endgame: "You must learn to suffer better if you want them to weary of punishing you -- one day."

The truth about NOT writing

I love writers who don't write. They make me look so productive. However, I can't stand it when these non-writing writers don't write and then proceed to complain that they are not writing. This produces nothing. At worst, it further enhances the un-writer's malaise. At best it drums up the camaraderie of other writers who are either likewise not writing or are writing but sympathize. And they sympathize because at the end of the day, any writer who's been writing for longer than five minutes has been there.

"There" is that place where nothing happens. Creativity goes untapped, ideas are stunted and blank pages remain... well... blank. "There," is no place for a writer. And as a writer when you are not "there", you certainly don't want to talk about being there. At least I don't. It's uncomfortable.

I like to live creatively in that little place called denial. I'd much prefer to not think about not writing. Probably because I like writing. It's a part of me - a huge part of who I am. Like most writers, I self-identify through my writing. So loss of writing, non-writing, would damage my concept of self.

So, I choose not to go "there." And I truly believe that writers have that choice.

A writer can choose a state of un-writing just as they can choose to end, what I believe to be a self-imposed position of not writing. Complaining about not writing is a waste of creative energy and time that could, if the writer so chose, be put to far better use actually writing.

It may sound harsh; but this is the voice of experience talking. Stop complaining and WRITE! No doubt we've all heard that often the best solution to a given problem is the simplest. Perhaps in no other art is that concept more true than in the writing arts. The stringing together of words with any kind of complexity first requires simplicity. The simplicity of action. By simply doing a writer can undo what they've not done.

I can promise that writing just one well formed paragraph will make you feel far better than hours of moaning about not writing.
Step up. Shut up. And WRITE.

Sticky Business

Ugh. So here it is; the week that I need to decide which topic to write my English Lit research paper on that is due the week after next. The problem is that my professor gave us so many topics to choose from that are interesting and I would like to write about, that I'm having a hard time choosing. Could be worse, I know. He might have given us a crappy list to choose from and then I would be complaining about having to research the crap. At least it won't be horrible to research a subject that I want to explore in detail.

Documentation is a different story. If there is one thing I despise about college writing, it is the endless hours spent documenting and citing sources. A necessary evil to be sure, as there are many students who would be thrilled to just cut and paste another's words into their own research papers if they thought they could get away with it. But, that is plagiarism... unless of course the appropriate quotation marks and works cited styles are utilized. Then it is research.

Literary research paper writing can be quite a sticky business simply because you are researching another's work and words. It is a very fine line between paraphrasing a writer's work and meanings and plagiarizing. It never ceases to amaze me how many students think that they can get around citing works if they just reword their sources. They get caught up in thinking that if they just change a few words around here and there, then they are not actually copying.

It is a pity. Really. Here, I, along with a majority of the other students take great care in ensuring that we are producing an original, well documented research paper. But there is always that poor misinformed schlep who tries to get past having to do the hard work. I mean, HELLO! They have software installed at the writing lab that is specifically designed to catch cheaters.

Copy THAT!

I'm hoping beyond hope that in this class, on this research paper, no one tries to lift work that isn't their own. Cheaters suck and plagiarists are the bottom of the barrel.

Let it Rain

Don't you just love it when a day that starts out with horrible, torrential rain type weather? Yeah. Me neither, but that is just how the day started. As I stared out my car window waiting for my daughter's school bus I was treated to Mother nature's version of a light show. Huge bolts of lightening speared the morning sky, menacingly beautiful as they sliced through the charcoal colored clouds. And I thought, this day is gonna suck.

To add to the bright mood of the morning, I had an American Literature midterm exam first thing. I was not looking forward to it - even the thought of driving to the college agitated me. Naturally, it poured incessantly the entire trip. I was grateful for backroads and the ability to avoid the pitfalls of heavy traffic backups on the rain slickened main streets.

Part one of the midterm consisted of six questions to be answered in short essay form. Short meaning two to three hundred words. Part two required I choose to answer one of three questions in "standard" essay form. That is between five hundred and one thousand words. Thankfully, we have word processor capabilities in the test lab. I was able to get the whole thing done in under two hours. Our professor allowed us two and a half, so I felt satisfied that I finished early.

Still pouring when I left campus. When I got back to my office computer my English Literature professor had e-mailed me with my grades from our first test and essay in that class. I earned an "A" on both. The day was looking up. Only maniacs and English majors are fool enough to take two Literature classes simultaneously. I happen to be both.

So, anyway, my English Lit professor also e-mailed me regarding a discussion a few of us were having in our critical analysis group. The subject was Arthurian legends and what makes them appeal to the modern audience. I made several points and mentioned my admiration for the writings of J.R.R. Tolkien. My professor wrote me that he had taken a 20th Century Literature class in grad school taught by Corbin Carnell; one of the few people at the time who wrote serious criticism on Tolkien. Then he worked with Corbin on an independent study examining the works of the Oxford mythmakers Tolkien, C.S. Lewis and Charles Williams.

How cool is that? Anyway, I let him know that I am officially envious.

After learning that bit of information, I was no longer bothered by the rain. I was too busy counting my blessings that I am fortunate enough to have an English Lit professor who has a keen understanding and appreciation of Tolkien, Lewis, Williams and the fantasy genre. Lucky me :)

I Wrote! I Wrote! I Wrote!!!!!

I finally did it. I set aside my studies for a few precious hours and dedicated that time to writing in one of my novel length wips!!! It was so nice to get back to my characters. I've missed them so. I mean, they are with me every day, I'm always thinking about ways to further develop them and the plot, but to actually sit and just write them is heaven. What was interesting was that I had been at an interesting turning point in my world building at the last point I left the manuscript. After rereading just that small section before adding to it last night, I was able to fill in some holes and through doing that I wound up in a place where I can add an antagonistic device. Sweet! It needed that little something extra there, and now, not only is it going to get it, it is going to tie in seamlessly.

I must have been in creative mode major. Not only was I able to write last night, I woke up this morning with a vivid recollection of the most amazing dream. I dreamt an entire story, characters and all from beginning to end. I've always been able to dream certain aspects of a story - a characterization, a plot - something, but never an entire story. This definitely marked a "first" for me. My daughter invited my niece for a sleepover last night, and they came in my room this morning and jumped on my bed to wake me up. It must have been just at the completion of this dream. Talk about timing. I think maybe if they hadn't woke me, I might not have remembered the dream at all.

Anyway, I immediately went into my office to write out the outline of what I remembered. I didn't even put on a pot of coffee first. I was too concerned that I would lose some of what I was remembering. Thank goodness the kids weren't hungry for breakfast at that moment. So now I have this entirely new story sketched out and I am literally itching to write it.

The thing that is frustrating is that I already have two manuscripts that I am trying to complete. I really should not start another, especially considering the time constraints of my schedule. I have about twenty-five chapters down in one of my wips and ten or so in the other. I really need to complete at least one before I begin another.

I took the kids to the beach for a while this afternoon and met a friend of mine there with her daughter. After I told her about the dream I had she said she wondered if maybe I should concentrate on the new, dreamt story because it came to me in such a way. I don't know. I'd hate to put priority on it simply because it was "given to me," as my friend put it.

One thing is certain. I wrote. And obviously it fired off some creative neurons or something in my brain because after that I wrote in my sleep.