Working to relax?

Last week, it occurred to me that during the past three years, I have yet take a vacation without taking work with me. I've never given much thought to that fact and doubt that I would be thinking about it now were it not for a comment that my brother made. He said something like, "You don't even take summers off." I laughed and shrugged it off, after all, graduate study requires a year-round commitment. The workload is just something I do. Nevertheless, it was not lost on me that his pronouncement carried with it the insinuation that, in his opinion, I should, at the very least, be taking summers off.

The more I think about his response to my workload, the more I am convinced that most people just assume that those who are in grad programs get to take summers off. By "most people" I should clarify that I mean those well-intentioned civilians who haven't the slightest idea about the rigors of graduate study. At any rate, I lamented my plight for about three seconds before acknowledging that despite how luxurious not working over the summer sounds, I know myself well enough to admit that unless I had someplace exotic to go and new things to learn about, I would probably become terribly bored.

That said, I decided to make a concerted effort to find more time to relax. My daughter needed a book for school. Bookstores (any bookstore) are widely regarded by those of the literary bent to be a premier destination. What could serve as a better break? With kid in tow, I headed to the bookstore, certain that it would be a relaxing way to spend an afternoon. It is, after all, a bookstore.

The bookstore in question sells used books and allows patrons to trade out books they've read for either cash or store credit. My daughter brought a sizable pile of books to trade out. I brought three... which is enormous for me... I have an aversion to parting with books, but that is a blog for another day. All told, We spent the better part of the afternoon rummaging through the store's enormous variety of books. My daughter found several books, including the one that she needs for school. I managed to pick up a few novels, some books on Modern Irish Drama, Twentieth-Century Russian plays, Drama Theory, and a very nice Bedford Introduction to Drama -- which, no doubt, will prove helpful when I take the Drama comprehensive exam next year.

Being at the bookstore was, in itself, fairly relaxing despite having to lug a bin full of books all around the store. The cash we earned back from the books we traded covered the costs of some of our new purchases. However, when we got back home I unloaded my new collection and began reading. The reading was more or less relaxing, but because I was reading drama, I was also taking copious notes. I read the introduction to the Bedford collection and a play I haven't read before. Of course, that lead to taking more notes. Afterward, I decided to type up an informal response to what I had read and add that to a notebook I've created to help prepare for the Drama comp. exam.

Upon reflection, I am not sure if I could call my attempt to relax successful. The trip to the bookstore resulted in me working again. Could it be that I can't relax unless I am working?  

Abstracted

Writing an abstract can be a daunting task, particularly for academic writing. The article I have been working on is getting "closer" to sucking less, so I figured what the hey -- I should start checking out some CFP's and see if I might find a few query ideas -- you know, for when I'm "closer" to being satisfied with the draft. It never dawned on me that I might actually find a CFP that announced an upcoming special issue of a journal that would suit the project I have been working on perfectly. Of course, by the time I found this CFP, abstracts were due in a matter of days. Yay. Can you read the enthusiasm? What should have been a positive experience felt more like getting dental surgery sans the numbing goodness of Novocaine. That's not because I had to write an abstract, my first for real-world submission, or that I had to send it off quickly, but because I had to get all of that accomplished in the midst of travelling.

Trying to write an abstract for submission is challenging enough without the added stress doing so under the distraction of being on holiday. Did I mention I had to tap it out on a netbook while breakfasting in the very near vicinity of my parents arguing for the zillionth time over God knows what?

Needless to say, I am not operating under any illusion that this abstract will get accepted. It might not even get read. Despite the likelihood that this submission will wind up at the very bottom of the slush pile, I am still glad to have experienced writing it and writing it under a certain amount of duress. I suppose I can look at it as good practice for the eventuality of finding myself writing, once more, under less-than-ideal circumstances.

There... and back again

I'm in the process of writing an article that I *hope* will one day find publication. The subject matter is academic and derived from portions of my master's thesis on selected plays by Samuel Beckett. But, therein lies the rub. It's damn difficult to figure out how much of the thesis introduction to use, especially since I am pulling the article out of a section that is nestled in the middle of the thesis. I started working on this last summer, shortly after my defense. However, after spending nearly a year writing the thesis, by the time I was ready to begin pulling an article out of it I had gotten so close to the work that I felt like I could no longer "see" it clearly. After struggling with the material for a few weeks, I decided it would be better to take a step back from it, and let my brain decompress from the pressures associated with writing the thesis.

Ultimately, I took this hiatus a bit further and (deliberately) weaned myself off of the rather maniacal all-things-Beckett diet I had restricted myself to during the semesters in which I wrote the thesis. I even had the good fortune of participating in an independent study course in modern/contemporary drama throughout which, as my professor suggested, I could take a break from reading so much Beckett. I planned on returning to my article writing endeavors just as soon as the academic year let out.

Of course, when I made that plan (it was a good plan), I did not know that my landlord would decide to sell the house I'd rented for three years, thrusting me into a summer-long house hunting/packing/moving/unpacking frenzy. During the crazy month leading up to the move, I was able to get some creative writing done, but academic writing was pretty much out of the question. My ability to concentrate on anything as complex as research based writing was non-existent. Once the move was complete, I still had to organize my office space. Now that I have gotten that out of the way, I feel like I can finally breath enough to get back to work.

Today, I dusted the cobwebs away from the initial draft of my article and managed to etch out a the beginnings of a beginning (I think). I also jettisoned five pages, bringing the remainder to a more manageable and sane length of twenty-five pages. I still have a great deal of editing to do before I'll let anyone read this hot mess. Honestly, though, the best remedy for this paper would be to have another set of eyes on it. At some point, I will need to beg one of my professors to take a look at it to provide feedback and suggestions.

After working on the article for a few hours, I pulled up Ye Ole Library Database (because I hate the new one) and started along the journey of researching journals and publications I might query once this article is finished. I found a few drama/theater journals that might be good prospects. Of course, it will be some time before I send off any queries, and before I do I'll need to seek the advice of my professors.

I wouldn't call this a highly productive writing day, but I am glad to have taken my old project back up. I've missed writing and thinking about Beckett. While I'm still in what I've come to describe as "introduction HELL" I am kind of at peace with that. Taking a break from the article has renewed my enthusiasm. I feel like I have a better vantage point from which to view my work because I stepped away from it for a while.

And the irony that this behavior is not altogether unlike one of Beckett's characters has not eluded me. I am well aware of the circularities I am continuing to navigate. If I did not think that a propensity for tracing back over one's steps is part of the scholarly process, then I might be worried. The process of doing this kind of writing might best be described by a line from Beckett's Endgame: "You must learn to suffer better if you want them to weary of punishing you -- one day."